John Lee’s styles of love

John Lee classified Love into 2 styles Primary & Secondary.

Primary style of love is divided into 3 types

Eros: - It’s emotional & physical passion. It’s loving a person due to his/her emotional or physical attributes or loving somebody due to physical arousal or emotional stimulation. Love is erotic, romantic & sentimental.

Ludus: - Love is an addiction or a game or sports. A lover is a player & believes in duration or scores. In simple words importance is given to quantity rather than quality & its all about fun & enjoyment. Love is sometimes with multiple partners thus it has high risk of infidelity

Storge: - Friendship gradually turns into affection for each other. Couple will give importance to commitment, mutual respect, mutual trust, mutual understanding & avoid infidelity. Although couple’s relationship is intimate but they may lack passion.

Secondary style of love is also divided into 3 types

Agape: - It’s a combination Eros & Storge. It’s compassionate, egoless, self-giving, self-sacrificing, unsullied, & unconditional. Partner is considered a blessing & couple may think of taking each other’s care & try to avoid giving emotional or physical pain. Couple has patience, faith for each other & avoid infidelity. Its advantage is generosity but disadvantage is feeling of guilt or incompetence & sometimes a person may lose self.

Mania: - It’s a combination of Eros & Ludos. It’s obsessive i.e. intense preoccupation of loved one. Intense possessiveness, intense jealousy, constant reassurance of partner’s love for security, experience of emotional high & low is a part of this style. Although it may have intimacy & passion but lovers may remain anxious & insecure.

Pragma: - It’s a combination of Ludos & Storge. Love is driven by head & not heart. Love is altruistic, practical, rational, realistic & undemonstrative. Couple gives important consideration to each other’s goals, roles, costs & rewards. Love is more due to compatibility.

References: -

1. Lee JA (1973). Colours of love: an exploration of the ways of loving. Toronto: New Press. ISBN 0-88770-187-6.

2. Lee JA (1988). "Love styles". In Barnes MH, Sternberg RJ. The Psychology of love. New Haven, Conn: Yale University Press. pp. 38–67. ISBN 0-300-03950-6.